*wakes up from coma*
mom: great now that you’re awake you can do those chores i asked you to do
to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we areto the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” - Jerry Seinfeld"
"when women wear makeup they’re basically lying to us" well i don’t see why i’m being blamed for a man stupid enough to really think i have red and gold eyelids